The last two weeks have gone really well. My kids are back in school and the structure has been so awesome for all of us. I now have a dedicated time every day for therapy and I’ve been getting it done every day. I have had to take days off here and there because my brain just hurts and my eyes are tired. I can handle about three days in a row, but then I need a break. So three on, one off is the schedule I’ve been following.
Last Sunday, something really exciting happened. I spontaneously saw with stereopsis in real life. No special glasses or lenses or computer programs. I was just chatting with family and glanced out of our back window and a flock of birds caught my eye.
They didn’t look normal, they looked beautiful, like they were in a choreographed dance. Their motion didn’t seem so rigid. Usually a flock of birds is cool because they fly in a V and they are all in sync, but I guess they always seemed to be flying in a straight line. Cool doesn’t even begin to describe what I was seeing.
This time everything seemed smoother and I realized that there was so much more happening than a line of birds flying together. It felt like together they were making this constantly changing 3D image.
They weren’t on the sky, they were in the sky. I could see the space between them, almost like I could see the air. The birds had their spot, and the air had a spot too.
I just stared, I couldn’t take my eyes off of what had to be the most spectacular flock of birds I’d ever witnessed. Then I realized that my eyes were burning and I could feel that both eyes were looking together. I realized that it was probably a very typical flock of birds, but it was extraordinary to me because I was seeing them with stereo vision for the first time.
I don’t know why, but I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t know how to explain that something they see everyday was the best thing I’d ever seen.
I almost feel embarrassed, like I’m living in a different world than everyone else. What else is missing? Can I actually relate to people when we aren’t even looking at the same world that I am? I’m not getting too broken up about it. Just trying to be okay with myself not really knowing how to navigate my new world. I’ll figure it out, and when I do I will have a lot more compassion for other people who don’t see, hear, or feel the world in the same way that I do.
How Did the Appointment Go?
My appointment today went by so fast, maybe a little too fast. We had time to talk about the amazing birds, do two different activities, make a plan for the next two weeks and then it was over.
Optics Trainer Virtual Reality
With pushing and prodding from me and an “Optics Trainer” representative, Dr. Dan is starting to use the features of the app more fully. In the past we’ve just been using the basic version without any adjustments to compensate for my strabismus.
The games are still useful in helping with my peripheral vision and depth perception, but with the extra settings he can shift the images so that the images my eyes are seeing are perfectly lined up, kind of like prism glasses. This subtle change makes it much easier for my eyes to combine the images and see together.
He was messing around with the settings while I was playing the games and it was interesting. I couldn’t tell a huge difference visually, but my brain was going into overdrive. My eyes were hurting and my brain was working for sure.
When he changed the settings on the “Tappy Bird” game I could see the depth of the birds more easily. One popped right out of the screen. I am going to give him a few more appointments to really figure out how it all works, and then I am going to pay the $50 a month for the at-home subscription so I can work on it at home with the special settings.
VTS4
Next, we spent about 15 minutes working on the VTS4 computer. Dr. Dan used the same settings as the first time but had me come closer and then further away to see if it could make a difference. I couldn’t really see the depth until I was close and started tapping the screen. Something about involving all of my senses wakes up my visual system.
Today I was able to tell the the ring was behind my hand a few times. It was like the whole computer screen had moved back and my hand was tapping the air. When it came forward I was able to see that it was pulling away from the screen, like my arm was inside the donut ring. It wasn’t floating out as far as Dr. Dan could see it, but it was definitely coming towards me.
I explained what I was seeing like so: “At first it just looks like a circle on the screen, but as you increase the base-out demand (so I have to cross my eyes) it’s like the donut stretches towards me, kind of like a cylinder. It is still attached to the screen, but it comes out.
So I’m making progress, but my brain definitely hasn’t got everything figured out exactly yet. I am a marvelous work in progress.
And that was the whole appointment. I left feeling exhausted. Is it safe for me to drive myself home? I don’t really know, today was a challenge. I just want to go lay down and close my eyes and let my brain turn off.
I am coming back to add that the rest of the day was pretty rough! I was just struggling. I was having a hard time processing everything; what I was seeing, what people were saying to me, what I was saying to them. I used to feel that way when I first started patching over a year ago. By the end of the night I had banned myself from driving, decision making, and general conversation and went to bed early.
I woke up feeling much better, but after doing my homework this morning the brain fog is coming back. I’m going to look at the positive. Something big happened yesterday at my appointment inside my brain. I don’t know what, but I think progress happened.
Homework
- OKN Stripes – Continue 1-2 minutes daily with both eyes together
Amblyoplay – Play for 5-10 minutes to warm up both eyes and get them both “turned on”- VR Occulus GO- Spend more time, 10-20 minutes, each day. Focus on slow-moving videos or VR experiences where I can stop and relax my eyes.
- Gem Vectograph – Hold at A and tap the center, trying to see the 3D, then hold at 1 and try to see the 3D. Do this with and without my prism glasses on. Add on balancing on one foot during the exercises.
- Yoked Prism- Keep stretching my brain with different activities with the yoked prism. Try juggling or playing Kubb outside while wearing them.
Read about how I learn to straighten my eyes at my next appointment here.