As adults with strabismus, many of us face depression anxiety and other mental illness issues. In fact, some studies find a huge correlation between mental illness and strabismus.
Does that mean we are all doomed to a terrible life? Is there any point in even trying?
I say that there is so much hope for an amazing life. Having an amazing life is inevitable if you are willing to work towards it. And I’m guessing that you feel the same way because you are still here.
Having an eye turn, lazy eye, strabismus or whatever you want to call it gives us a unique opportunity to build our character into one of resilience. (To learn more about my journey CLICK HERE)
It takes intentional work, and I’m here to help you with that. I know this seems a little “woo woo” and “fluffy,” but I challenge you to take a look at yourself and see where you can make a change.
Having an eye turn, lazy eye, strabismus or whatever you want to call it gives us a unique opportunity to build our character into one of resilience. (To learn more about my journey CLICK HERE)
It takes intentional work, and I’m here to help you with that. I know this seems a little “woo woo” and “fluffy,” but I challenge you to take a look at yourself and see where you can make a change.
Learn to Love Your Eyes and Brain
I heard an amazing analogy from my life coach, Jody Moore, that was about weight loss, but I, of course, thought of vision.
Imagine yourself at the state fair with your kids. Everyone brings jackets and water bottles and as the day goes on, they ask you to hold a water bottle here, and a jacket there. By the afternoon, your arms are full to the brim.
Then your kids call out to you, “Mom/Dad, come on this rollercoaster with us!” and you reply that you can’t because your arms are too full. And then those kids are upset, “she is so boring and lame and never wants to have fun.”
But you were only trying to help…why is everyone so mad? You are working yourself sick to no avail.
Do you see the link? Let me spell it out for you.
Your brain/eyes are the mom holding the jackets and you are the friends.
At some point you started getting double vision, inability to focus or super blurry vision in one eye, maybe as an infant or later. Your brain wanted to protect you from that annoyance and difficulty so it tried to fix it.
The best way it knew how, was to move one eye out of the way, resulting in an eye turn.
Then you got surgery and the brain decided to help you again by moving that eye the other direction. “We will fix this problem!”
Unfortunately, your eyes and brain just don’t understand how to be “normal,” but I can promise you that they are working twice as hard as the normal person trying to figure it out.
This is why you get headaches, forget easily, experience burning behind your eyes, and brain fog. Your brain is working on overdrive trying to help you…and it has been your entire life.
And then we have the audacity to hate our brain. To hate our eyes.
It’s like hating the mom for not going on the rollercoaster when she’s been dragging all our baggage around all day.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you need to just love having an eye turn and embrace it.
But, can you find some compassion for your brain? Compassion for your eyes? For the work they are trying to do? Yes, they are confused. But we don’t have to hate them, we just have to help them.
We can love and appreciate the efforts our brain has put in trying to overcome the disconnect that it has with the visual system.
Here are some thoughts you may consider trying on:
- I love you brain, thank you for working so hard for me.
- My body has worked so hard trying to fix my vision my whole life, but it is confused, now I am going to help it back.
- Everyone has something to overcome, mine is to teach my brain how to use both eyes.
- Oh brain, there you go again trying to help me. I love you, but no thanks, we are going to learn a new way of doing things. I’ve got you.
You can’t hate yourself into becoming a new person, that is going to require love and compassion.
Ditch the Victim Mentality
Here are some of the comments I’ve either made myself, or heard others say about strabismus:
- Nobody will hire me because my eyes aren’t straight.
- If my parents had done (x, y or z) my life wouldn’t be so hard.
- If my doctors had only been (honest, talented, open, better, etc) I wouldn’t be dealing with this.
- I am depressed because I was bullied as a child.
Which of these resonate for you? Are there any that you would add?
I’m not here to debate the truth of these statements, but can you see that when we have this type of thinking, we give the key to our happiness to people and things outside of our control?
When you are the victim of your circumstances, whether that is an eye turn, an uninformed parent or nasty kids on the playground, it’s like giving the remote control for your emotions to a toddler. Instead of choosing how you want to act or respond, you’re allowing other people (some who don’t care about you) to choose how you feel.
This can lead to a more depressed state and worsen symptoms that we might already be predisposed to based on our chemical make up.
So what is the antidote for a victim mentality? It is taking personal responsibility for role that you play. Being proactive about the things you can control. Practicing gratitude for what you do have. Giving others then benefit of the doubt, allowing them to be wrong about you. Learning from your past, but not living there. Looking at what you can do moving forward.
For every person with an eye turn who can’t get married, get a job, make friends or fix any of their eye problems, you will find a person with the exact same diagnosis and set of difficult vision circumstances who has gotten married, keeps a job, makes friends, and has either fixed their condition or learned to be okay with it.
Your diagnosis and vision history do not equate to a sentence to a miserable life. It just is what it is, and you get to respond to it however you want.
Be Proactive in Looking for Solutions
When I first started my vision journey, I had no idea how significant my eye turn was. I just thought I couldn’t drive at night because my eye was going blind. As I uncovered the severity of my eye issues, I became extremely depressed and consumed with my eyes.
I didn’t want to leave the house. I didn’t want to talk to anyone because I knew they would think my eyes were weird.
I cried and felt angry towards a host of people including pretty much everyone I could think of, trying to find someone to blame my problems on.
I ate a lot of food, gained weight and then hated myself a little bit more.
I felt like I was destined for a horrible life. I believed everyone who told me that fixing my eyes was impossible, because it fit my narrative that my life was terrible.
Then one day I was getting help from a life coach (ask for help!) and that one conversation in October 2018 will always be with me because it changed everything.
I came confused, wondering if anything could ever help me, desperately wanting a solution. I felt helpless and powerless.
She told me that I get to decide who to listen to. Who to believe.
That even though my surgeon told me only 2% of adults with strabismus can gain stereo vision, that I could be part of that 2%.
This set me on my journey. I became proactive about how to heal my brain and teach my eyes to work together. Instead of dwelling in the past, I looked towards the future and felt empowered.
The depression and anxiety still resurface, and I go back to these principles time and time again. When I pray for help, God directs me to these principles, especially gratitude. Finding gratitude heals the victim mentality faster than anything.
And some days, nothing seems to help and I just get to practice being sad for a day or two while I move through the experience. This is all part of being a human, having a human experience.
I understand that it isn’t so simple for everyone and that some people have had experiences far worse than I have. I never want to diminish people’s problems, I know that they can feel insurmountable. But I also want to give you hope. I want to help you feel empowered to seek solutions and take control of your life.
When you start finding gratitude and searching for answers, you will be engaging in the best anti-depressant out there. Looking towards the future with hope can heal a thousand hurts of the past.
There are so many possibilities for overcoming strabismus, but it all depends on your diagnosis. I have several free resources that can help you understand How Your Eyes Work Together and How to Decide Between Surgery and Vision Therapy. You can also schedule a consult with me. There are possibilities, you don’t have to be stuck, trust me.