This month has been epic. I am learning to roll with the ups and downs and I am making fantastic progress! My eyes look pretty even and straight when I look forward, but check out those diagonal pics! This is quite the journey and there is a long way to go!
Daily Life Highlights
Processing Discouragement
I have days of elation over seeing in 3D and days of discouragement where I want to quit. Today (April 6) was a discouragement day. I have been able to do some self-coaching and it has been so amazing. Yes, the discouragement is still coming and going, but it doesn’t feel paralyzing in the same way that it does sometimes.
I used the following 3 step process:
- Explore and sit with the discouragement. What does it feel like? It feels like tightness in my chest, like it’s a little harder to breath. I feel a little teary.
- Don’t judge the discouragement. I am on an incredible journey and that is going to come with super high highs and super low lows. Discouragement is part of the process and it’s okay. I’m in for all of it. There is nothing wrong with me.
- Answer the brain’s questions. When my brain says, “you will never succeed,” I answer it with, “maybe, and maybe not.” It is possible that I may never achieve full 3D vision in this life, but it’s just as possible that I do. Answering my brain takes away so much of the drama and judgement and I find that I am able to return to normal MUCH more quickly when I drop the drama.
Give it a try and let me know how it goes for you!
Weekend Getaway
I was able to go on a little getaway for a weekend with my husband, Zac, and we had a blast! There were a few vision high/lowlights that seemed reasonable to share.
- The traffic in the big city scared me to death. I was screaming and gasping the whole time and started just closing my eyes. Luckily, my husband is so used to this that he just blocks it out and ignores all the exclamations.
- We played pickle ball and I worked so hard on keeping my eye on the ball. I leveled up by playing a whole game with only my left hand. Trying to track the ball and play with my left felt mind blowing and was hard, but I got better. Just keeping both sides of my brain activated!
- We went to a live performance of Les Miserables and it was incredible! The music and acting were fabulous, but I was mesmerized by the fancy light show and couldn’t stop staring and the depth I was seeing. There was a lot of fog and it made it easier for me to see the space. So amazing!
I haven’t had any huge earth shattering moments, but so many small moments of success. Dr. Dan has been encouraging me to keep my steering wheel in my peripheral vision and I always just forget. I finally put a piece of tape as a placeholder on my steering wheel to help me remember and it is helping so much!
I feel like as long as I can see that tape, the world is SO open. My depth kicks in and I can see with both eyes.
I have been applying it to different exercises and watching 3D movies and it is helping so much. Is this the secret key to all of my success? I feel like I am really taking off. Hooray!
Appointment Highlights
April 6: Today my appointment went pretty well. The yoked prism glasses were really affecting me! They were a stronger power, but the effects were SO much more noticeable and tangible than usual. I could barely walk in a straight line.
We tried 3 circles for the first time in probably a year or two and I was actually able to see a third circle off and on and it was really exciting. I am going to work so hard on it this week!
He did some range testing on VTS4 and I did so bad! With my prism glasses I was able to get to 10 or 11 BI before the rings started going double (without the shake feature on). Without the prism glasses I was only able to do 1 BO before seeing double, I couldn’t do BI at all. I think the prism glasses are not good for me and I am going to stop wearing them full time.
Next week we are doing a progress visit and I have a sinking pit feeling that something is going to be bad. My biggest fear is that he is going to suggest surgery again (update: luckily my premonition was wrong and just negative thinking. haha). Hopefully, it all goes really well.
Progress Visit 4/13
Today was a progress visit. We did some of the same tests to measure any changes or improvements since the last progress check. My acuity is still just about the same, but it has always been pretty good so that wasn’t too big of a deal. On the Worth 4 Dot test I was seeing 5 dots consistently unless it was within about 12-18 inches of my face. At a distance I was seeing complete double (two arms, two black circles and 5 dots). Up close, all 5 dots were in the same black circle, they just weren’t lined up.
I know that is better than it was 2.5 years ago, but I think it’s pretty consistent with how I’ve been since surgery.
On the stereogram I was able to see depth on the first row of dots and a little on the second. But it doesn’t feel like real depth, I just know that one of them looks different, it doesn’t really pop off the page or anything.
He also did some peripheral testing as a baseline because we are going to try syntonics starting next week.
The plan going forward is to try to wean me off of my prism glasses and improve peripheral and maybe be done in 4 months. At this point I have zero expectations of being done in 4 months and I’m feeling pretty discouraged about the whole situation, but I’m sure I’ll be back to my optimistic self very soon.
Appointment 4/20
Today was so awesome! It was just one of those visits where I see improvement and success and it is so fun.
The depth on VTS4 was so incredible today. I was sitting about 6 feet away from the screen and the ring was floating so realistically in the air about halfway between me and the TV. I was so amazed that I reached out to touch it. It all felt very real and so cool.
My ranges with my current prism improved to 12-13 so he decreased my prism to a 6 diopter instead of the 9 I had before. I was able to get to about 6 BI before the ring went double. Hopefully, I’ll be able to improve those numbers and keep weaning off the prism glasses.
Dr. Dan broke out the mirror stereoscope again and I was able to do it so much better than I was before. I was getting the images to blend and fuse. He sent me home with new cards that I am excited to try!
I feel like progress is coming!
Appointment 4/28
Today I went in early and tried syntonics for the first time. It was really interesting. There is a black tunnel that you look through that has a light at the end.
It is a very simple process. I put on the special glasses with two red lenses and look into the tunnel for 10 minutes. With the red glasses on, the light looks red and there is reflected light on the sides of the tunnel. I felt my heart rate increasing and I felt very tight in my chest. I didn’t think anything of it, but apparently the red can have that effect.
After the 10 minutes, I switched to green glasses for another 10 minutes. The green made me feel almost sleepy and I was more distracted. I found myself looking at the sides instead of at the light and it was hard to stay focused.
I am so excited to learn more about syntonics and how it works!
After I finished, everything was way more 3D and that night I was pretty nauseous and tired only time will tell the true results.
I was given an at-home version to use. We are going to do 20 sessions and then reevaluate. To get there more quickly I am going to try to do 5 sessions at home every week in addition to one in-office per week.
I also worked on peripheral with the hart chart, the mirror scope and VTS4. Everything was pretty typical, but VTS4 brought another win. I was able to see depth into the TV and it felt so real and deep. It was coming and going, but it was definitely better than it has been before.
I did a car game and the car seemed SO far away into the TV. We had a post-it on the screen and it was partially covering the car. Usually, this would cause my eyes to reject any and all depth and bring me back to “reality” instead of the land of illusions. But yesterday, the car just looked like it was really far behind the post-it. It was a HUGE step in the right direction. My brain is starting to believe in depth.
I am excited to continue growing and learning and see what May holds for my vision!